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[10 Apr 2008|03:26pm] |
On Monday I got drunk off my ass. My caseworker showed up for our meeting. She claims she didn't even know how I managed to answer the door. I don't even remember answering the door. I passed out and puked. My case worker sat in the er with me for a few hours. I remember none of this. I ran away from the er because I didn't want to get sent to detox. The cops caught me on my way to a friend's house. They did a breathalizer on me and it claimed I was still above the legal limit. I didn't feel drunk at all anymore. Detox is horrible. Bunches of horny aggressive guys. They sent all the 2 girls (including me) to the sober wing before we were sober for our safety. Not much better on the sober wing. The tv is supposed to be turned off at 10 am so people concentrate on getting out, which is a joke. There is nothing you can do. You have to wait for a counselor to evaluate you and then you have to wait for the county to pick you up. So you have nothing to do but wait.
The reason why i got drunk was that I was just damn depressed. Penny, my "friend," started a rumor that I fuck like a corpse. I confronted my bf on this and he said he didn't think that nor did he tell penny. Penny says that my depression, cutting and alcohol use is just to get attention and that I should grow up. Sometimes I just can't cope with the flashbacks and panic attacks. But hearing someone say something like that makes you wonder if it is true and get all depressed all over again. Right now I so feel like cutting. If I didn't have clinicals tonight I'd have cut already. I can't miss clinicals. If I do I have to make it up and there is only a small group of people making up clinicals so the instructor would be breathing over my back. I'd hate it. So I'd better not cut and go to clinicals tonight. My strength is wearing out. I don't know how much longer I can resist the urge to cut.
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[19 Mar 2008|03:11pm] |
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I'm 23 and a cutter. Have been since 14. Before that it was scratching, hitting myself with objects and mia. Who knows when all that shit started. I'm trying to be more active in greatest journal now. All my friends are on live journal and there are some things I want to discuss with people and not incur the wrath or disdain of my friends. I'm just saying hi to this community. If anyone knows of any other communities I should join just tell me. Well, hi to this community.
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[17 Feb 2008|03:37pm] |
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heyy. sorry i have been very active. so much stuff has been going on.
basically me and my best friend got into a lil fight and well now arent friends. i though it was going to be a clean end of a friendship. but no, thats not possible with her. she and her boyfriend started talking all this shit about me and they went aroudn telling people about how i got raped. and the worst part about that is that they were saying that i lied about being raped and i was only saying that so i wouldnt look like a slut.
like what the fuck who does that? i have never been so hurt before. i confided in them and now they are using it against me.
they even turned my ex against me. which really hurts because i really love him.
luckily everything is kinda dying down now because i am on break. i just hope when i go back to school things will be okay.
also on top of all of this i just found that my exs dad just died. and it really affected me because i knew him and because i still care about him and his family. i dont know what to do cause he wont really open up about which i understand but i dont want him to keep it all in. i told him that i was here for him though no matter what.
i just need him to be okay. his family already has so many issues.
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[25 Nov 2007|09:02pm] |
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if you look deep, deep into my eyes and look past my fake smile you will see that i am broken, truly broken. i dont want to pretend to be happy anymore, i want to be naturally happy. i dont want to get upset everytime i see him. i want to be over him. and happy without him. i dont understand why i am in love with someone who now treats me like shit. and i just dont understand that if he really did used to love me, how his feelings for me just vanished. how can you stop loving someone that ment so much to you? unless everything he ever told me was a lie. i question if he ever really had feelings for me. was it all just a waste of time? i dont even know. but what i do know, and to all of you this is going to seem stupid and you'll probably think im crazy and wrong but i dont care, what i do know is that he was/is sapposed to be the one for me. i've never felt so strong about something. he is the one that i am sapposed to be with for the rest of my life. and maybe knowing this is why it is so hard for me to simply forget about him. believe you me, if i could get over him i would. im not holding on just because. you really think that i like feeling like this all the time? no. i hate it. sometimes i really hate that i ever met him. but then again for the time we were together he was the best thing that ever happened to me. i never once was sad when he was in my life. but now that he is gone, i feel empty. and i hate it. no one ever loved me like he did. that is if he really did love me. but whatever.
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| Your New Maintainer! |
[06 Oct 2007|07:32pm] |
Hey Everyone.
i just wanted to let everyone know i'm your new Maintainer I'm helping sierra out with the community and im going to help her bring it to life so if anyone knows anybody who would want to join please tell them to join.
Also if anyone needs anything all my screennames and email are in the userinfo so please dont be afraid to contact me.
Thank You.!
Your New Maintainer,
Ashley
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| i'm not sure whats going on. |
[29 Aug 2007|05:57pm] |
one of my good friends died saturday.
i can't really feel anything.
:[
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| blah blah blah |
[13 Jun 2007|01:45pm] |
Yeah my life feels like its basically OVER. to begin with we might end up moving, to Tennessee, which I'm not really complaining about, i love that place but for real ive always lived in a place where everything was small and my parents werent apart. now i have to deal with my mom and my dad and my dads girlfriend and her kids. does this not seem normal?
Anyway I talked to my ex recently he called me, god only knows why. i had to get off the phone with him, had to leave and really i didnt want to talk to him. he isnt one of the best people ive ever dated. after we broke up he became the worst person ive ever really met. He now smokes pot, dates and fucks a whole shit load of people and sits there and tells me he hates me to other people and turns around and says he loves me. what the fuck is with that? any suggestions.
this has become more random. but yeah OH WELL.
any comments are welcome
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[28 May 2007|12:02am] |
INTRODUCTION
Name: Amanda
Age: 16
Location: Michigan
Gender: Female
Single or In a Relationship?: SINGLE
Boyfriend or Girlfriend?: No....
What are your likes?: writing poems/ stories, dancing espically swing.
What are your dislikes?: snotty ignorant judgemental annoying people.
How do you S-I?: cutting, pulling hair, screaming (although, i dont really think thats a form), scratching
Are you good at helping people?: i try to be anyway
Do you wish to help give advice here?: sure do
What kind of help are you looking for?: anything and everything
If you would like to you can also give us a short background about yourself or your problem, experiences with treatment, etc. Well as of right now i dont really have as big of a problem as i used to, i'll be a senior. to many things to do right now so yeah thats a little bit
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[28 Mar 2007|09:29pm] |
(INTRODUCTION)
Name:Veronica
Age:16
Location:Bentonville
Gender:Female
Single or In a Relationship?:single
Boyfriend or Girlfriend?:hmm, im straight...? at least i think thats what youre asking?
What are your likes?:chocolate, music, learning, long drives at night.
What are your dislikes?:cold weather without snow, boys who dont call when they say they will, fish, spiders!!!
How do you S-I?:cutting, and biting.
Are you good at helping people?:i like to think so. i think i give good advice.
Do you wish to help give advice here?:yes.
What kind of help are you looking for?:help telling my mother about how i feel. and support so i dont feel so alone when i feel like cutting, but dont want to.
I've been cutting for three years now. I was suicidal for a while, but that has mostly passed now. I still think about it, of course, but I know how to deal with those feelings. I have grown a lot in the past three years and I don't cut for the same reasons, but I still cut. I like to think that I have gotten better, but I think thats a lie. I want to recieve treatment now, but my mom is completely ignoring the problem. My school counselor has talked to her several times, but to no avail. I just want to feel normal.
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| i just dont know what to do |
[03 Mar 2007|09:45pm] |
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so ive liked this guy dj since the begninning of the school year. but he has had a gf the whole time. but he called about an hour ago and told me that she dumped him. they went out for nine months. he started crying while talking to me. i just feel so bad. and i dont know what to say or do. i love him so much. and after we hung up i started crying.
somone please comment with advice.
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